Cartoon Network Month: Re-Animated

Cartoon Network Studios: 8 Years Ago

Me: *as one of the executives* Okay, people, it turns out we are losing a few of our dedicated viewers. We don't have much support left, but maybe we can think of something to save this network from getting into the toilet.
Simon: Well, we could try making a new cartoon series that has more than just humor in it. Too many butt jokes can turn people down. How about a reboot of a classic?
Me: I don't like it! Next!
Alexis: I have a great idea! Why don't we make a movie that has a kid getting the brain of a famous cartoonist and he can see all of said cartoonists' creations?
Me: But, isn't it gonna be hard to indicate who's the cartoon character?
Alexis: No, because this is gonna be live action!
Simon: Live-Action?!
Alexis: Uh-huh! I think we should get real people to play the roles of strange or unbelievable people that would never be shown in real life and the boy gets hit by a train ride in what looks like Disneyland, but is not!
Simon: Oh my god, that would go against our network's own name! This is Cartoon Network! Not "Whatever-The-Hell-We-Want Network"!
Alexis: Plus, it could make lots of money and viewership,
Me: I love it! Let's make that movie!
Alexis: And I'm thinking of getting us a TV show sequel to it whether or not it does well.
Me: I like the way you think, kid. This is gonna be huge!
Simon: *sighs* We're doomed.

New DandyAndy1989 Intro

Me: *sighs* Hello. I'm DandyAndy1989. Bringing you your favorite series into my own fan-fiction image. And we're on the finale of Cartoon Network Month.

Cartoon Network Month Intro

And sadly, we're going to have to end this on what is perhaps Cartoon Network's biggest mistake of all time.
(Laughter going on)
Oh, and I'm joined by this little maniac.
(Enter the Cartoon Network Jester)
Jester: That's right! I put him up to this! You may have seen it at the end of the last review when he got back from Toon City!
Me: Hey, you taunted me as if I were too afraid to review it! I'm not afraid! I just hate how this really set Cartoon Network back immensely.
Jester: Tell them what you're reviewing!
Me: They already know in the title of the deviation!
Jester: Tell them anyway!
Me: No!
Jester: Tell them! *keeps repeating "Tell them!" like a broken record*
Me: That does it! *tries to punch him but is stopped and the jester punches me back*
Jester: Oh, yeah! It feels good to finally take charge. *laughs crazily*
Me: Fine. It's Re-Animated.

(Re-Animated title card; clips show)

Where do I even begin to describe how much I hate this movie? This was a Cartoon Network movie. This wasn't made by someone like Disney Channel or Nickelodeon. No no no. It was Cartoon Network. You know, when they were considered being best for showing nothing but cartoons 24/7. It hurts me...it hurts me to see what was perhaps my favorite channel of all time sink so low after a couple of setbacks but really drop into the abyss with this schlock. There's absolutely nothing that can salvage this sunken ship, and now it's time.

(End clips)

It's time for me to review this monstrosity for what it is and to end Cartoon Network Month as strongly as I can!
Jester: You'd better have all the strength you can get! It's that one boss of a movie! *hits me with jester cane and hops around*
Me: Yeah...let's get this over with.

(Opening credits)

What is up with the opening credits? Did they have the nerve to start off be making it seem like they were doing nothing but cartoons in this when we knew it wasn't gonna be the case in the promos? It's just as poorly done as the opening to Drop Dead Fred. But they don't last long. These opening credits are just 30 seconds, when usually they're about 2 minutes in most movies that have this sort of premise. And also, guys, singing the name of the film does not make it all that catchy. That's what you're supposed to do for a TV show, not a movie! Oh wait...I'm getting ahead of myself.
(First scene)
So, the film opens up to an ordinary suburban home where a cartoon is being played on TV.
Hero In Train-ing
(Booing crowd)
Yeah, the title there is worse than many you can possibly find there. It's basically that damsel tied to the railroad tracks gimmick. And we're introduced to...
(Mr. Roberts' mouth)
Oh god! Do you really think we wanna see this guy laughing with his mouth full?! The first minute into the actual film and we're already given a gross-up closeup!
Jester: That's because gross-up closeups are funny!
Me: No, they're not, you pathetic excuse for a clown! They're hideous!
(enter Nefarion)
Nefarion: Andrew! Who are you talking to?
Me: I'm talking to that stupid 90's Cartoon Network jester while review Cartoon Network's downfall! What does it look like I'm doing?
Nefarion: It looks like you're fighting with the air...and you're losing. *leaves awkwardly*
Me: Don't tell me only I can see you!
Jester: Yep!
Me: I knew it. And, who is this character exactly?
(Cut to Deep Throats)
Brian: I see a grown man enjoying cartoons.
(Back to review)
Jimmy: Dad, let's go! I need to get to school early!
Me: And here's our main character, Jimmy! *shot of Jimmy Neutron* No, not him! *shot of Jimmy from Ed, Edd n' Eddy* Not him either! *shot of my OC Jimmy Masterson* No! This kid in the film! He's our main character and he's gonna be late for school if his dad doesn't hustle!
Mr. Roberts: But I'm not done with my Sugar Cube Crunchums! Each bite is a sugary jolt of life! Makes my hands dance!
Me: It's like Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, only even less healthy.
Jimmy: I don't have time. I have to get to school.
Mrs. Roberts: Please! Liftoff's in 20 minutes and I still have to pack everyone's lunches!
Jimmy: Why can't Yancy do it?
Yancy: Because you're my little brother and even touching Earth food makes both my stomachs churn.
Me: And there's your first problem with the film. Jimmy's family is absolutely bizarre. His mother is an astronaut, his sister is a freaky alien from outer space, and his dad is a complete man-child who takes his sweet time getting ready.
Mr. Roberts: Pants are in the car! Let's go!
Me: Yeah, I'm lucky he's not my dad. So, he gets to school and meets the girl of his dreams Robin.
Jimmy: It's not too late. Robin! *starts stuttering*
Mr. Roberts: *on PA* Jimmy Roberts, to the guidance counselor's office!
(Bell rings)
Me: Now it's too late.
Mr. Roberts: Jimmy, I think you know why I called you in here today.
Jimmy: No, actually, I don't, dad.
Me: THIS IS THE SCHOOL'S GUIDANCE COUNSELOR!? YOUR FATHER?!
Jester: Come on, you totally saw it coming.
Me: No I didn't! I didn't expect him to have that job! Well, basically, he screwed up Jimmy's plans to ask Robin out on a field trip so he can't make it to first base.
Jimmy: Yeah, I know, and now it's too late!
Mr. Roberts: Aw, come on. You can ask her tomorrow on the buseses...busi...it's the rule there.
Me: And now, for something completely disturbing.
Mr. Robert: Pretend I'm Robin and ask me out.
Jimmy: ...I think I'll pass.
Mr. Roberts: Come on, son! It's fine! Ask me out!
Me: I don't think going out with your own father is what he had in mind.
Mr. Roberts: This is weird. Oh, I know! *grabs a pen*
Me: Dude, what are you doing?
(Mr. Roberts draws a girl face on his stomach)
Mr. Roberts: *in a falsetto voice* Hi, Jimmy! It's me! Robin!
Me: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mr. Roberts: How about a kiss?
(Cut to Boys Will Be Eds)
Ed: Kiss to your fans, Nazz! *falsetto* Okay!
Me: *adds quarter to Ed, Edd n' Eddy jar* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
(Fish from SpongeBob movie)
Fish: MY EYES! MY EYES!
Me: Who the hell thought that would be funny?! What is wrong with this guy?! And more importantly, how did he get the job as the school's guidance counselor!? If I were the principal and walked right into the room, I'd fire him in a heartbeat! He's disturbing not only one of the students, but his own son! Mr. Roberts, you are so fired! Benson would agree with me on that!
(Cut to next class)
Hey, are you playing a Game Boy Advance there? I sure hope you're not playing the game based on the movie. Thankfully, they didn't make one because they knew how bad this would be.
Craig: Hey, Madison, Logan, Dakota, and Dakota! Or should I say Mad Dog, Lowbrow, and the Double D's?
(cut to Toondates)
Ed: I love Double D! Double D's the best!
Daphne: His constant talking about Double D made me a little uncomfortable. How am I supposed to compete with that?
Me: *adds a quarter* I don't know if that counts, but I knew that joke couldn't go ignored. Also, why is there a llama in the classroom? Did Carl Wheezer bring it in or something? And did someone row to class on a plastic leg? And we are also introduced to Robin's brother and Jimmy's supposedly best friend, Craig. I say supposedly because he doesn't really listen to Jimmy all too well. He's trying to get the two of them mixed in with the cool kids.
Kids: BRIAN!
Me: Brian, dude! What's up? You wanna hang out after school and shoot some hoops or just mingle at the mini-mart? Okay, see you after we're done shooting this scene you're gonna be in and never show up again!
Craig: What's your problem?
Jimmy: I don't know. It's just...everyone's taking advantage of me.
Craig: That's terrible. Hey, let me copy your homework.
Me: And that's Jimmy's main problem. He's practically a slave to reality. No matter how hard he tries, he can't turn down a person's request. And they go over to Craig's house only to find out Robin is there because her dance class was rescheduled.
Robin: It got moved to Mondays.
Jimmy: Oh, that's cool. I mean...uh...I don't have a calendar to notice. I mean...you can check my pants.
Me: Whoa...dude. If you're gonna get laid, that's not the way to do it. So, Robin, looking at one of the cartoons here, is thinking of a dreamy knight in shining armor scenario and admits to not enjoying these cartoons. And when Jimmy has the opportunity to finally ask her out, it turns into a big kick in the nuts.
Robin: That field trip is for 7th graders only. I'm in the 8th grade.
Me: Oh...who doesn't get to hang out with her and see her next year? Sorry, dude. But hey, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. But you wanna catch that one. Why don't you eat some of the fruit on the table.
Craig: And by the way, that's a candle.
Jester: Get it? It's wax!
Me: Yeah, seems obvious. I'm not painting a picture of that anytime soon.

(Cut to Gollyworld)

Me: So, the next day at Gollyworld, everyone seems to be having a fun time when all of the cool kids want Jimmy to hold their souvenirs for them while he's stuck as their personal slave still until they all head over to the Hall of History where they learn the origin of the creator of these characters, Milt Appleday. Bet you can't guess who they're referencing here! You got three guesses and the first two don't count. And first a llama in the classroom, now the Aflac Duck in the audience? Does nobody notice these things?
Jester: come on! It's funny!
Me: Maybe in a pig's eye. And no, there are no pigs shown anywhere. Don't ask.
Donna: Who's ready to learn?!
Excited Kid: Yeah!
Donna: Yeah! Gollyworld was built by...
Me: Duh...Tex Avery?
Donna: That's right! Famous cartoonist, Milt Appleday!
Me: And as you can guess, Gollyworld is basically a parody of Disneyland. Of course, it's not called Mickeyland.
Excited Kid: Yeah!
Donna: Yeah! I love this kid!
Me: I don't! They even make the old rumor about Walt Disney having frozen his body underneath the Matterhorn with Milt's brain having been frozen under one of the rides there.
Girl: I heard it was hidden in a secret ice cavern in Tux's Arctic Adventure Ride.
Donna: And I heard of little girls who spent their lives kicked out of Gollyworld and sent to the FBI...
Me: Whoa! You'd really resort to having her arrested and locked away for life?! I'm sure people who would try to find out if the legend of Walt was true or just a myth, but I'm sure they'd be banned for life, but not sent to the FBI! Anyway, the kids want Jimmy to find out if the legend is true. And of course, being their errand boy, he has no say in the matter. Now it's time for the ice level of the movie!
(Icecap from Sonic Adventure starts playing; Jimmy slides down the ice hill)
Wheeee!
(His hat falls down a long hole)
Damn, that's a big hole. As soon as he gets to the bottom, he finds someone digging up where supposedly Milt was buried and frozen alive.
Sonny: For 30 years, I have been searching for this brain, Mittens! And soon, it will be mine! *beat* Okay, 30 years in mind. Will you stop nitpicking? The point is, my plan is finally about to come to fruition!
Me: He named his life savings "Mittens"? And he thinks it's alive? Boy, Scrooge McDuck and Mr. Krabs would both think he's absolutely looney!
Scrooge and Krabs: Aye!
Me: Good cameo, guys. Good cameo. However, Jimmy accidentally gives himself away for the creepy guy to give chase.
Sonny: I JUST WANNA TALK! COME BACK! OR AT LEAST SLOW DOWN!
Me: *voicing Jimmy* I need an adult!
Craig: Get the brain? *Jimmy screams* Is that a yes?
Me: Did it LOOK like he got the brain, Craig? And do you even have one? Due to the moment at hand, Jimmy doesn't see where he's going and accidentally gets hit by the train ride.
(Everyone looks on at the moment)
Me: *HCBailly impression* And he died...
Mascot: Don't worry, son. The miniature hospital on Main Street is a real working hospital. Everyone who works there...is a real certified doctor. Zing.
Me: So, their hospital is actually real and they use it to treat patients who get into horrible accidents. That's cool, but not even the real Disneyland has a hospital in it! The problem is that Jimmy took too strong a blow to the head and for that, they have to perform a brain transplant. And the only brain they have is Milt, confirming that the legend was true.
Surgeon: In fact, I was the surgeon who removed the brain from Milt and kept it hidden all these years. You know that cooler that I always bring my lunch in everyday?
Mascot: No.
Surgeon: I kept the brain in it so it's never out of my sight. For 30 years, I've gone without lunch...to keep this secret.
Me: You must have been pretty cranky not having your lunch, man.
Surgeon: Open it...
(Legend of Zelda chest opening jingle plays for the brain)
Me: There. You happy? I used an obvious joke. The operation turns out to be a success, but for some reason, Jimmy meets some familiar faces.
Golly: Hiya, Jimmy!
Jimmy: ...Golly?
Me: Uh-oh! What wacky shenanigans will he get into this time?!

That night, as he's being put to bed after his ordeal, Jimmy gets a rude awakening from the cartoons themselves by having a safe drop on him. And for some reason, he's not crushed severely and flattened like a sheet of paper from doing so.
Golly: Hiya, Jimmy!
Tux: Now that's what I call a safe landing! Zing!
Me: And here are our so-called stars, ladies and gentlemen! Golly Gopher and his girlfriend Dolly...
Golly: We look nothing alike!
Me: ...Tux the Penguin who speaks in a hurricane of puns and constantly ends with...
Tux: ZING!
Me: ...and Crocco the Alligator. Not the Croco from Super Mario RPG, sadly. This guy is supposed to be the idiot.
Me: And this is where things really start to get creepy.
Golly: Now that you have Milt's brain, you can see us just like Milt saw us!
Me: You mean...Milt actually saw you in real life and talked to you and made everyone think he was crazy?
Golly: We're gonna have fun, and excitement, and magical adventures! And you're gonna do all sorts of things! _{For me.} Yippee! Congratulations, friend! You just inherited the greatest mind in the world!
Crocco: Uh-uh. I'm the greatest mime in the world. *does trapped-in-a-box*
FORCED JOKE! FORCED JOKE!
Golly: Not "mime", you pea-brained crocodile! "Mind!"
Crocco: Hey, I'm a pea-brained alligator. Crocco's a family name.
Golly: Golly, that's super interesting! _{The guy is dumber than a sack of potatoes}
Potato Sack: Well! Really!
(cut to Ready, Set, Ed!)
Ed: If only we had a sack of potatoes!
Me: *adds quarter*
Jester: You're doing a lot of jokes from that show, you know that?
Me: It's not my fault! It's the way they wrote this! So, now Jimmy has Milt's brain and is able to see every single character Milt ever created
Dolly: Golly, you're being a rude guest.
Golly: Well, you're being a worrywart.
Crocco: You're being mean.
Tux: And I'm being hilarious! Zing!
Me: *facepalm* And I'm being tortured.
Jimmy: What about them? *pointing to Pickles and Prickes*
Golly: Forget them. They got a screw loose.
Me: The visual puns in House of Mouse worked so much better. Basically, all of their antics and voices are pretty much seen by Jimmy and only Jimmy.
(insert image of the Great Gazoo)
Gazoo: Those dumdums are ripping off my shtick, aren't they?
Tux: Hey, Jimmy, what's black and white and emptier than Gollyworld Paris?
Me: Um...Unova after the Dream World was shut down?
Tux: My stomach! Zing!
Me: You know, that joke must have hurt a lot of people in Paris there.
(Cut to Euro Itchy and Scratchy Land)
French ticket taker: Hello? Itchy & Scratchy Land. Open for business! Who are you to resist it, huh?! C'mon, my last paycheck bounced! My children need wine!
(back to review)
Me: If you think that was Tux's worst joke, though, take a listen to this one.
Tux: Why did Milt's brain smell bad before they put it in you? Because they didn't want it to be brainwashed! Zing!
(the other characters boo him and throw tomatoes at him)
Me: Wow. Even THEY know how bad that was. Still doesn't salvage it. Now, let's see what his dad has to say about it.
Mr. Roberts: Perfectly clear what you're doing. You're wiping the counter with your socks! Some spring cleaning, and 7 months before spring! Ah, son, you're quite the go-getter.
Me: What kind of a father would think that his own son would clean with his socks? Unless they've been washed, that's not gonna happen. It just shows how stupid his dad really is. Even Peter Griffin would find that idiotic! Jimmy is the only one who can see and hear them. So, there's no way his dad would know about the cartoon characters.
Tux: I am bored as a 2x4.
(Cut to Gimme, Gimme Never Ed)
Ed: Board jokes are funny!
Me: *adds quarter* Just how many Ed, Edd n Eddy references am I gonna have to make in this whole thing?! The next morning, the man who spotted Jimmy at the ice ride comes by and tries to get a room to stay in.
Sonny: I am a student at the junior college, and I noticed you had a room for rent.
Mrs. Roberts: No we don't. You clearly bought that sign. It still has the price tag.
Me: Mrs. Roberts smart smart smart! Mr. Roberts dumb!
Mr. Roberts: He did go through a lot of trouble to deceive us.
Sonny: I did.
Mr. Roberts: Maybe renting a room isn't such a bad idea. The kids could use a good father figure.
Me: Yeah, because, clearly, you're not one! And with that, they give the shady man the room after all because the dad has no brain.
Sonny: YES!

Jimmy: Dude, I gotta tell you something. I keep seeing cartoons, not on TV, in real life, and...
Craig: Whatever. What happened yesterday? You got hit by a train and totally ditched me!
Jimmy: Dude! I was in the hospital!
Craig: It's always about you, isn't it?
Me: *acting like a housewife* It's always about you and how you feel like you're being treated like a slave to everybody in town! Have you even taken the time to ask me how I feel? How important it is for us to get you to do our tasks for us and do anything for ourselves? I wanted us to be with the popular kids, but now, you just go around and talk about how you can see toons in your eyes! You never appreciate the work you do for us!
Jimmy: But, dude-
Me: I WANT A DIVORCE! I WANT A DIVORCE!
Jimmy: But we're not even married! We're not even gay!
Me: I DON'T CARE! I NEVER WANNA SEE YOU AND YOUR ACQUIESCING ATTITUDE AGAIN! *normal* So, Craig has an idea to have a cool party to get in with the cool crowd and the toons find out about Jimmy's life of labor.
Jimmy: Craig's my best friend. It's not like I'd do anything for anybody.
Me: Oh, it's not?
Kid: Hey, Jimmy! Can you watch my man eating python?
Jimmy: Uh...yeah, sure. I wouldn't want you to get eaten.
Kid: Uh...watch out. I forgot to feed him.
Jimmy: WHAT?!
Me: Go on, Nathan Scott Phillips. Eat him up. The toons decided to help Jimmy out with his problem in exchange for a favor in return. Sounds like a good deal while everyone thinks he's gone crazy. And Robin finds out about the news of how he found out about the brain.
Robin: Don't tell anyone I said this, but...that's awesome.
Me: *girl voice* Yeah, breaking into forbidden territory is always so dreamy. You may not be a bad boy, but you'll have to do. *normal voice* And when Dolly finds out about this, she oversteps it with the smitten tone.
Dolly: Maybe I overdid it a smidge.
YA THINK?
Me: That night at dinner, the man from before recognizes Jimmy and believes that he has what he was looking for. And this is where his name is introduced.
Mr. Roberts: This is Sonny. He's living with us now.
Me: And he and Yancy don't see eye to eye.
Sonny: 'Sup? *beat* You have green skin.
Mrs. Roberts: Yancy's our adopted daughter. Found her on one of my space missions.
Me: And now, a harsh comment.
Sonny: So...you're an alien. That's weird. You have any weird powers?
Yancy: That's really offensive! That's like saying all Belgians are good at juggling!
Me: *looking around* I don't know my geography all too well nowadays, so...is juggling considered a Belgian stereotype? Why not try saying something that sounds more familiar like all Canadians say "Eh?" at the end of their sentences, or all Mexicans play Mariachi music, or all Asians are lousy drivers? I know you were trying to say that all aliens having special extraterrestrial powers is a stereotype, but come on! Give us a more familiar one!
Sonny: So, yes?
Yancy: One or two, but they're nothing. Like my antenna? Yay! Sports talk and Mariachi music whenever I want.
Sonny: Pretty lame. Jimmy! Could you pass me your brain?
(Beat)
Sonny: What?! I meant gravy!
(cut to Ed, Edd n Eddy)
Ed: Gravy!
Me: *adds quarter* I can't avoid them all! Anywho, Jimmy realizes that Sonny was the one digging under the ice, finishes up his dinner and rushes over to Craig's house to get away from Sonny.
Jimmy: So, you know how I told you I keep seeing cartoons?
Craig: No, you never told me that. You never tell me anything. I thought I was your best friend!
Jimmy: Dude, I totally-ugh! So, this Sonny guy-
Craig: So, now this Sonny guy is your best friend? Is he throwing a party too?
Me: Find a new best friend, Jimmy! One who isn't trying to rank you guys up so much! He realizes that Sonny knows that he can see Appleday's work. And Robin decides to show Jimmy a little secret. She's really a closet Appleday cartoon fan.
Golly: Even I'm not into us this much.
Me: At least she's not stalking them like some sick obsession.
Robin: Tell me everything.
Me: *narrating* And so, I told her everything. I told her that I had the ability to see characters that nobody else could after I had a near-death experience with the mind of a great cartoonist. Then, she decided to ignore me for the rest of her life and I was just gonna have to become the biggest social outcast in history. Oh, wait. That didn't happen. She believed me.
Jimmy: And now, I know this Sonny guy's up to something because I saw him in the icecap.
Me: Robin shows him that Sonny is actually the president of Appleday Studios and the son of the late Milt Appleday.
Jimmy: Why didn't you tell me?
Golly: I didn't know. He looked totally different 30 years ago.
Jimmy: *turns page to earlier photo of Sonny* Like this?
Golly: Yeah!
Robin: Who are you talking to?
Jimmy: Just Golly.
Robin: The cartoons are here? Right now? HELLO, CARTOONS! I'M YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!
(beat)
Jimmy: They...say "hey".
Robin: Hi! *keeps waving*
Me: Boy...she's taking that news well.

Commercials; continue

Robin: Milt Appleday often referred to Sonny as his least favorite son. Though he was an only child. In fact, the only mention of Sonny in his autobiography was called, "That little booger creeps me out".
Me: Ouch. And I thought Heinz Doofenshmirtz had it bad. And why are the toons gawking at Robin? Golly, Dolly's gonna break up with you big time if you don't stop. So, Milt died from severe overdose of Tummy Yummy Paint, which is what he endorsed and Sonny took over as the head of the studio. But he also ruined Golly's fame.
Golly: WHAT?! What does she mean I'm a nobody?
Me: What you're about to see is gonna shock you. Let's just say Sonny wanted to make Golly be "hip" and "with it". That's right! Golly the Rapper! Wouldn't even qualify for a YouTube Poop.
Golly: They ruined me! I was perfect and they ruined me!
Me: Dude, Mickey and Bugs don't have egos as big as yours! You're supposed to be the character why sympathize with, and you're just worried about how big a star you were! So, anyway, Jimmy sneaks into Appleday Studios while making the infiltration in Hyrule's Castle Gardens and the inner gardens of Deku Palace look like a cakewalk. However, Sonny's business has been doing poorly and put the studio in jeopardy.
Director: This company's in the toilet! Speaking of which, I'll be right back!
(beat; cut to The King Is Dead)
Peter: Oh, I just got that! A poop joke? Ha ha! Real creative, Lois.
(back to review)
Me: Suddenly, Jimmy is discovered and we get a reprise of that wax fruit joke we saw earlier. Since they heard about the incident at the park, they automatically declare Jimmy the new head of the studio to continue Milt's legacy. And with that, Golly decides to exploit Jimmy's new position to save his legacy.
Golly: I'm washed up! I'm damaged good! I'm a nobody! But with you in charge, together, we can make me a star again! YAHOO!
Dolly: I don't know. Jimmy's already been through so much lately, and he's just a child.
Golly: A child prodigy! Besides, if Jimmy takes over, Robin will like him.
Me: That's right. Because, clearly, his job to revive her favorite cartoons is clearly the way to romance! That's...the dumbest idea you could have come up with. Anyway, Sonny plans to get revenge on Jimmy by stealing the brain and get his job back. All the while, Yancy can't put up with her new roommate.
Sonny: Haven't you heard of knocking?
Yancy: Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe you could hear me knocking over your insane RANTING! I mean, if you wanna steal his brain, just steal it! You don't have to announce everything! Like, when I use the bathroom, I don't say, "And now I shall use the great and powerful bathroom! Mwahahaha!" No. I just go. And I use the fan. HINT?!
Me: Well, I do have to give Yancy points for pointing out how annoying Sonny's little cliche villain speech was. So, for Jimmy's first day on the job, Sonny almost kills him on the spot. Meanwhile, Mrs. Roberts has to go on a long voyage and asks Yancy to watch over Jimmy, Sonny, and the childish father. Don't forget your helmet, mom!
Mrs. Roberts: I hate what it does to my hair, but deep space without it...messy!
(Strong Bad Zone)
Strong Bad: YOUR HEAD ASPLODE!
(Back to review)
Golly: What are you worried about? It's just a desk! We've got more important things to think about! Like my shattered reputation! We can start with a new cartoon! Starring me!
Me: Okay, you stop doing that right now! And it turns out that the train broke down after it collided with Jimmy. Then we get another pointless failed attempt of Sonny trying to murder Jimmy to get the brain only to hurt himself.
Sonny: *gets shocked* I'll fix that train, Jimmy. I'll fix it good. Mwahahaha...
Jimmy: Okay...
Me: This has been another...
POINTLESS MOMENT
...pointless moment.

Later, Robin and Craig come by to see his new position. Robin is excited, but Craig is downtrodden. And then we get a little montage of them playing around at the studio.
Jester: Oh, look! They're on the karts! Doesn't that look like fun?
Me: I thought you left after the commercials!
Jester: Dude, I have to make sure you sit through the whole thing! And listen! That's the theme song!
Me: Yeah, I know. They just have to cram it into our brains, don't they? And soon, Jimmy becomes the talk of the town and everyone loves him. Even his own dad! Who...you know, loved him in a platonic way from his day of birth? Doesn't getting your own son's autograph really seem necessary? Jimmy has to get to class, but Golly has other plans.
Golly: This was just a public appearance! We need to get to the studio!
Crocco: Yay! The studio! Race ya! *runs into the way*
Me: And Jimmy has a question that makes sense.
Jimmy: Why can't we go to the studio after school, like always?
Golly: Jimmy, you can't just run a company after school if you wanna be successful. It's a 24-hour job.
Jimmy: But I have gym.
Golly: Sure. I understand. Instead of helping my shattered reputation, which is the only thing I ever asked of you, you should go play kickball, which you're not even gonna pursue professionally.
Jimmy: Yeah, but-
Golly: Remember that favor you promised me for helping you out? It's time to pay up.
Me: And with that, Jimmy has no choice but to listen to Golly. Why couldn't Golly wait? Was the studio really going to fall apart if Jimmy wasn't there the whole day? Then again, it was still in trouble, so he did have to make sure he needed to save it. Both characters here show what's important here, but Golly insists that he puts his needs before Jimmy getting his education. And it's not just that he's a cartoon that bothers me, it's that he demands that Jimmy hold up his end of the bargain ASAP. Even if it means losing his friends in the process. Jimmy would have been willing to help out, but Golly played the guilt card severely. That's what makes Golly a terrible protagonist. To me, he was being selfish and impatient, and that's not what makes a character to sympathize with. Jimmy tells Robin that nothing's gonna change with his new job, but...guess what happens? And I'll give you the answer later. Meanwhile, Sonny is going over his diabolical plan to get the brain.
Sonny: I will turn Crocco's Fun Time Choo Choo Happy Express into Crocco's Fun Time Choo Choo Decapirail Express! It's a play on words. You get it? And when Jimmy steps on for his television debut-AH! How did my trip to Waikiki get in there?
Me: Really? They really had to go with that joke? They had to mix vacation slides with the main picture?
Jester: It's a classic!
Me: Yeah, but it's been done so many times. It doesn't make it funny. Basically, the train while saw open Jimmy's head and the brain will fall out into Sonny's clutches.
Sonny: Look at that grin on my face. I'm super into it.
Me: Maybe a little TOO into it. Just have fun trying to carry it out when you're under the watchful eye of the alien chick.
Sonny: Stupid alien!
Yancy: It's Alien-American!
Sonny: Stupid Alien-American!
Me: Well, at least she's not...*sigh*...an illegal alien.
(Crowd boos)
Jester: Wow! That one was terrible!
Me: They probably would have gone with it too if they had the chance! And as you can tell, the pressure is getting to Jimmy a lot, even snapping at Craig.
Golly: Ah, don't worry about Craig. That kid only worries about himself. Now, let's get back to making me famous!
Me: First part is true. He has been a lousy friend throughout the whole film. Second...GOLLY, STOP MAKING EVERYTHING REVOLVE AROUND YOU! And he turns into a real monster of a director, yelling at the performers and threatening to replace them with Belgian jugglers! And I STILL don't know if that's a Belgian stereotype!
Golly: She just doesn't understand show business.
Jimmy: You just don't understand show business.
Robin: Well, I do know how you're supposed to treat people.
Me: How do you like that, Jimmy? The girl of your dreams just called you out on it.
Jimmy: I don't get it. First she likes me, and now she doesn't. I'm still president!
Me: Maybe it's because you're taking orders from something only you can see and he's making you into a huge dick! And he thinks he can make a mix CD with a bunch of songs she likes. Meanwhile, he is trying to hang out with Craig, but he's far too busy with his work, and this gives Craig the most contradictory line in the whole picture.
Craig: Dude, you're being a crappy friend!
Me: Wanna hear it again?
Craig: Dude, you're being a crappy friend!
Me: That's right! Craig said "crappy"! I know I've made a few notes of stuff like that being said on Cartoon Network before, but this movie was made back before Total Drama's first season even premiered in Canada, which was first before Cartoon Network! When CN picked it up, all mentions of the word "crap" and its forms were dubbed over! So, now they can't say "crap" anymore! I know I'm just going on another one of my random rants, but if it was fine there, why wasn't it fine on Total Drama?! But I digress! Craig warns Jimmy that if he doesn't show up to his cool party, he'll never be friends with him again, and Jimmy assures him he'll be there. And remember how I brought up how Jimmy wasn't gonna change with his new job? Well, guess what? He did change! And for the worse! Meanwhile, Sonny didn't do his chores so Yancy grounds him.
Yancy: YOU'RE GROUNDED, MISTER!!!
Sonny: Oh, come on, Yancy! Be cool! Tonight's the night my maniacal plan comes to fruition! I gotta be there!
Yancy: Well, it'll have to come to fruition another night, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT LEAVING YOUR ROOM FOR A WEEK!
Me: And because of that...
Sonny: Let's just agree...TO DISAGREE!!! *throws knife at Yancy and misses* Who threw that?
Yancy: Upstairs! NOW!
Me: Mom! Sonny tried to perform a homicidal act on Yancy!
Sonny: I HATE THIS FAMILY!
Me: Maybe you should move out after your plan either succeeds or fails.

So, Jimmy gets ready for Craig's party, but Golly reminds him about his big TV debut which he apparently wasn't informed of.
Golly: It's always been Fridays at 6:30!
Crocco: 5:30 central.
Me: ...Okay, I'll give it a pass on that. That was a bit clever.
Jimmy: I just wish I could make everybody happy.
Golly: You can't, kid. But if you don't do the show, you'll lose everything we worked for. You'll go back to being a kid people walk all over instead of somebody they look up to and respect. Sure you might lose a couple of friends doing the show but you'll gain millions of new ones. And if it helps me gain my rightful place as America's favorite cartoon character, well, golly, that's just icing on the cake! What do you say, kid?
Me: And there you have it. Golly shatters what little hope Jimmy has left for saving his friendship with Craig by agreeing to do the show. THAT'S IT! GOLLY GOPHER IS NOW OFFICIALLY AT THE TOP OF MY MOST HATED CHARACTER LIST! I'M GONNA KILL THAT GOPHER! IT'S TIME FOR A GOPHER BASH! Jimmy, however, thinks that Golly is right about this because of how he was treated by everyone else. But Robin tries to snap him out of it with this sense of logic.
Robin: First you couldn't say no to people, now you can't say no to the cartoons. You do everything they tell you to do.
Toons: THAT'S NOT TRUE!
Me: So, Jimmy no longer cares about his old friends because they either used them as their servant or liked him for his fame. Who's in the right here?
Robin: Jimmy, I should never have opened up to you.
Mr. Roberts: CHECK IT OUT, ROBIN! I'M IN A LIMO! IT'S GOT ALL THE SODA YOU CAN DRINK! *chugs soda* WOO! I THINK I'M GONNA HURL!
Me: Maybe that should teach him a lesson. Sonny sneaks out of the house without Yancy knowing and Robin finds out about his plans to steal Jimmy's brain because Sonny idiotically reveals it.
Sonny: I'm getting chopped ice for Jimmy's brain. I mean, I'm gonna chop off his head with my train! Why am I talking?!
Robin: So, that's why you've been following Jimmy? To get your father's brain?
Sonny: ...I don't know how you discovered my sinister plot, Robin, but unfortunately for you, you did discover it. My sinister plot. The thing that I'm gonna do! *captures Robin*
Me: That was a pretty creepy kidnapping. You know, for kids! So, at Jimmy's TV debut, he sees the new train ride and the people back away, because...yeah! That doesn't look like a death trap or anything! And Yancy finds out that Sonny snuck out during his grounding.
Yancy: I am gonna kill that little booger!
Me: Spank him good! Spank him and call him daddy! Get it? Because, he's supposed to be your father figure like your actual dad said! Yeah, that wasn't funny. Meanwhile, Craig's grandparents are playing checkers. And they speak Japanese, so there are subtitles for them.
Craig: Grandma, grandpa, get outta here! My party's about to start!
Craig's Grandpa: But tonight's our Checkers night.
Me: So, Craig will have to have the party while they play. The guests arrive and for some reason, one of them has a goat with them. No...no Victor scene. First a llama, then a duck, now a goat. Was there a sale at the local petting zoo or something?
Petting Zoo: Come and buy our animals and make them your pets!
_{We are not responsible for their lacking of toilet training...}
It just doesn't make sense for them to have those pets and take them where they felt like it! This isn't a neighborhood! It's a three-ring circus! And look! It's that boy who gets excited at everything! Because...he was memorable! Right? The party doesn't bode well and Craig finds out about Jimmy ditching him for his show.
Craig: Guess it's down to just one musketeer...
Me: And Sonny arrives at the set for the most obvious joke.
Sonny: Sorry I'm late! Traffic was murder!
Me: Oh, and Tux ruins a good reference.
Tux: Okay, instead of "I just flew in from Chattanooga and boy are my arms tired", change Chattannoga to "Kokomo". It has a "K" sound. K's are funnier!
Me: First of all, K-Mart finds that offensive. Second, it's a joke based on "Chattanooga"! Chattanooga Choo Choo! Why ruin something that was at least decently referenced? Soon, Jimmy gets the messages about Craig's party and realizes just what he should have done in the first place.
Golly: What are you talking about? This is what we always hoped for!
Jimmy: This is what you always hoped for! All I ever wanted-
Golly: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT! I MADE YOU WHO YOU ARE! YOU'RE GONNA GO ON TV AND MAKE ME A BIG STAR AGAIN! YOU CAN'T SAY NO TO ME!
Jimmy: What did you just say?
Golly: You can't say no to me. You know it's true.
Me: Oh, yeah? Just watch him. Then it'll be time for that Gopher Bash. When the show comes back on...
Jimmy: You know what? I don't wanna do this.
Sonny: What?!
Golly: What?!
Jimmy: All my life, I always said yes to what other people wanted! And I'm sick of it! Okay? Tonight, I'm saying no! No, I will not be president of Appleday Studios!
Golly: WHAT'S GOING ON?! WHAT'S HE DOING?!
Sonny: WHAT'S GOING ON?! WHAT'S HE DOING?!
Craig's Grandpa: What's going on? What's he doing?
Me: WHAT'S GOING ON?! WHAT'S HE DOING?! HE'S...HE'S...HE'S HAVING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!

So, because Jimmy refuses to do what he's told, the show is canceled. And he gets off the train immediately when Sonny starts it up. And Yancy finds him.
Yancy: Sonny Alabaster Appleday, you are in big trouble, mister! We're leaving this instant!
Sonny: I cant leave yet, Yancy! I still have to steal his brain!
Jimmy: Wait! You're trying to steal my brain? That would explain the cooler.
Soony: It was the perfect plan. I steal Jimmy's brain and the train runs over Robin, the only person who's onto me.
Me: And now, Jimmy has to save Robin before she becomes roadkill. And Mr. Roberts arrives.
Mr. Roberts: Not so fast, Sonny!
Me: What's he gonna do?
Robin: HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! BRING SCISSORS!
Me: YOU KNOW, BECAUSE IT WOULD BE SHORTER AND RUIN THE DRAMATIC TENSION! Golly realizes that if Jimmy had stayed on the train, he'd be right back where he started, still not seeming to care about Jimmy.
Mr. Roberts: I can't believe I was so blind...it all makes sense. Your mysterious arrival after Jimmy's accident...your secret equipment tracking his every move...
Sonny: I can explain!
Mr. Roberts: Ah-ah! It wasn't until today when I looked into those eyes, those dark mysterious eyes that I figured it out...
Me: Oh my god...is Mr. Roberts really going to show that he cares about his son more than anything and actually become a responsible man instead of the idiotic man-child he's acted as throughout the film?
Mr. Roberts: ...Yancy, it's your mother in disguise!!!
Yancy: What?
Sonny: What?!
Me: .....WHAT???!!!
Mr. Roberts: She didn't go to the moon at all! She's been here all along, making sure we were behaving.
Me: No! He's not gonna do any of that! He's still so blind! How can Sonny be his wife in disguise?! How can you be so stupid, so clueless, so thoughtless, so OBLIVIOUS to the fact that he and your wife were in the same premises together and not one in the same?! You, sir, should be ashamed to call yourself a father! You invited him into your home after you convinced her that he would be okay and now you think he's in disguise?! That is the biggest blow to the stomach, kick in the groin, and slap across the face of a character's moment ever! I'm not going to give Mr. Roberts any justice now! He's getting the runner-up spot behind Golly on my most hated character list now! And he rips off Sonny's mustache!
Sonny: AAAHH! MY LIP PIECE!
Me: And Sonny is one of those characters who doesn't look right without their mustache.
Golly: What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I get it now. We gotta watch out for each other, okay? You help us, we help you. Because, golly, we share the same body!
Jimmy: You wanna help? Help me save Robin!
Golly: Okay, but you gotta trust me.
Me: And so, Golly turns Jimmy into a cartoony knight to get him on the train, and that cartoon automatically ends as soon as Jimmy gets on. I can probably let this one slide if they didn't really think they could get the actor playing Jimmy to pull off this stunt. If that's the case, that's the one thing I'll excuse this deus ex machina here. And so, Jimmy gets on the train and is encountered by the saws from the GUN truck from the Sonic Generations version of City Escape. But the rest of it is pretty damn dangerous. Those are real sharp tools! Not fake CGI crap! Why didn't they just render the whole rescue scene in an animated form? Sure, it would only work for Jimmy since he's the only one who sees the toons, but it's called Re-Animated for a reason, isn't it? Just those 10 seconds of it being an actual cartoon really makes the title of the movie fall flat on its face. So, using the tactic they got from the cartoon shown at the beginning of the movie, Jimmy stops the train by throwing in some of the soup he advertised...
(cut to the Soup Nazi)
Soup Nazi: NO SOUP FOR YOU!
(back to review)
Me: ...and saves Robin before she is pierced and railroaded, thus making her fantasy come true.
Robin: Thanks for saving my life.
Jimmy: You were right. I lost sight of what's important and I'm sorry. I really hope you can forgive me.
Robin: Of course I can.
Me: Oh, but it's not over yet! Sonny's coming back for one last attempt and Jimmy runs while leaving Robin still tied up to the rails!
Robin: A little help?
Me: No help for you! They run into the Hall of History where Jimmy quickly disguises himself as Milt and makes Sonny believe he's his father brought back to life. And Yancy blasts him with her stereotypical powers.
Yancy: Yeah...I guess some of powers come in handy once in a while.
Me: There! Final boss defeated! Later, Jimmy arrives at the party and now everyone shuns him because he chose to do his show over coming to the party.
Logan: Way to make a fool of yourself on TV, dork. That was not cool.
Craig's Grandpa: Dork!!!
(cut to Ed, Edd n' Eddy)
Kevin: Dork!
Me: *adds quarter; falsetto voice* You were a lot cooler when you didn't stand up for yourself and did what we told you. You were supposed to be our slave. Not cool at all.
Jimmy: Sorry I ruined your party, dude.
Craig: Hey, it wasn't a party without the Two Musketeers.
Me: Well, I guess Craig learned his lesson as Jimmy has learned his. And now it's time for a slow dance between Jimmy and Robin on the mix CD he made her. And even the toons join in.
Robin: Thanks. I'm gonna go play it right now. *kisses Jimmy*
Me: Oh, gettin' lucky tonight.
Golly: Good work, kid. But a CD is just a start. If you really wanna win her heart, we need to make a fully animated movie! Starring me of course! With my name above the title in big letters! And we'll take it across the country! Tiny village to tiny village! City to city! Everywhere!
Me: No, Golly. Let's not. You know what this is? This is a kid-friendly version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. It has the premise of cartoons in the real world, but it's done differently so that the toons are only seen in the eyes of the hero instead of being seen by everyone. And it really parodied a great man and his dreams. But it's not over yet. It seems all is just fine at the Roberts' house. Mr. Roberts seems to be taking more responsibility...
Mr. Robert: Good to go! And look, Jimmy! Got my pants on! Zipper in front.
Me: ...Mrs. Roberts is not going to ask for Jimmy's help all the time, only when she really needs it...
Mrs. Roberts: Here's your lunch, honey. Extra cookies for being so good while I was away.
Me: ...oh, and Sonny is still living with them still trying to get the brain. Really, guys? Really? Jimmy and Yancy didn't explain what really happened that day and Sonny is still free to try to steal the brain as he pleases? He should have been kicked out on the spot!
Mrs. Roberts: Clean that up before we get home, Sonny.
Sonny: Yes, mom. See you at dinner, Jimmy. *laughs evilly*
(cut to Sonic Generations; Modern Eggman laughs hysterically)
Classic Eggman: Wow. Will I really get that crazy?
(back to review)
Yancy: Shut...up!
Me: Thank...you!
Sonny: You shut up.
Me: Yeah. Things are back to normal...or not.

Well, that was Re-Animated. And it's no surprise that it SUCKED!!! And that wasn't the worst part of it.
Jester: That's right, kiddies! This movie got a TV series sequel! It tells what happens after it!
Me: Yes, that's right. It got a show afterward called "Out Of Jimmy's Head". And it basically picks up where the movie left off. It's basically the same premise as the movie only one difference. Robin wasn't played by the same girl from the film. She got recast by another actress who was even worse at the role. If I had to choose between which Robin I liked, I might go with the first one from the film. I just prefer her. And of course, this show was panned severely. And for good reason. It's basically Roger Rabbit meets Saved By The Bell! And it even won an award for Best Young Ensemble Performance in a TV Series and was even nominated for Best anything positive! Didn't win, but was still somehow nominated.
Jester: But wasn't it at least clever that they at least tried to make it work?
Me: No! It wasn't!

(Clips from movie play again)

To me, this idea was the moment where Cartoon Network really went downhill and started losing its meaning. This led to ideas for live-action shows that soon became the infamous CN Real, which I already went over. They took an idea that was done before and just filled it with corny jokes, mean-spirited characters, little to no redeemable quality, and a resolution that just made it worse and continued on for another year. To me, I lost all hope for Cartoon Network after this movie and its follow-up show. It became a ghost of its former self. All because of this one movie that no one remembers, no one wants to remember, and we just wish never happened.

(Clips end)

So, there. The horror is finally over. Re-Animated is done, Out of Jimmy's Head is done, and I'm just happy to say that-
Jester: *punches me with a boxing glove* You can't say anything bad about it! You have no taste!
Me: Okay, that's it! You're going down! *pounces jester and starts beating him up* I have had it up to here with your shenanigans and annoyance!
Jester: Hey! What are you doing? No! Don't!
Me: *yanks his head off* What the?
(It is revealed to be Jimmy Roberts)
Me: Jimmy Roberts?
Jimmy: Remember me, Andrew? When I killed Cartoon Network, I talked... just... like... THIS! *laughs maniacally*
Me: YOU! YOU DESTROYED A BELOVED NETWORK AND WHAT IT STOOD FOR! YOU RUTHLESS, HEARTLESS BASTARD! I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET THIS!
Jimmy: I don't think so! *turns into a tune himself* Come get some!
(I charge at Jimmy but he slaps me away and fires rocket at me; I get out of the way in time and run for it)
Me: It's no use trying to stop him! There must be a way to put an end to this! *spots something* Aha!
Jimmy: *breaks through door* Oh, Andrew! Come out and play! *finds me* It's no use running away, Andrew. Time for you to die.
Me: Hold it right there! I have this! *holds up the work of Walt Disney*
Jimmy: NO!
Me: THE POWER OF DISNEY COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF DISNEY COMPELS YOU!
Jimmy: NO! THE HOLY ANIMATION! NO!!! ITS LIGHT IS TOO CLEVER AND BELOVED! I'M MELTING! MELTING! *melts away*
Me: That takes care of that.
(enter all of Cartoon Network's classic characters)
Eddy: So, you took care of that guy?
Me: Yep. And here's the money I made this whole month using references from your show. *hands over Ed, Edd n Eddy jar*
Eddy: Sweet!
Grim: It's still a shame, mon. We got sidelined by this.
Red Guy: Well, he died horrifically. Now I can die happy.
Me: Yep. Just one last thing to do.

(curtain)
To wrap up Cartoon Network Month, we have brought back a classic character to rant a bit: the Ranting Swede!
Ranting Swede: I'll tell you what dampens my spirits! Getting screwed by the network! Those people don't really know what they are talking about! When a show has its fans and starts to get a lot of attention, they're either ended abruptly or put on a time slot where they're doomed! No publicity, or merchandise, and they say we are finished! And they don't even bother to have reruns of some of them! Others get shown all the time, but some of the ones that got a cult following? No. Not at all. And why is it a cult following when you don't even join a cult exactly? Now, not all shows today are god awful. Some of them are indeed very entertaining and promising. But when they get rid of those in place of crap we don't want, then it just shows that money matters more and the ratings and viewers come second! IT'S A NIGHTMARE!!! And I have yet to see my show on Boomerang in the United States. *bows*
Me: Nobody can rant like this guy can! Sweden, be proud!

(credits roll over the curtain shot just like in Sheep In The Big City)

Me: *walking into a museum of some of Cartoon Network's most memorable moments from my childhood holding a chocolate bar* Good job, guys. Good job. *turns to viewers* I'm DandyAndy1989. And this has been Cartoon Network Month. *walks away crunching on chocolate bar*

THANK YOU FOR WATCHING CARTOON NETWORK MONTH!

Fade out; dA logo

Sonny: Stupid alien!
Yancy: It's Alien-American!
Sonny: Stupid Alien-American!